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Sometimes during all of the crisis I feel triumphant and ready to conquer the day. Other times I feel numb and emotionless like a robot just putting one foot in front of the other, and still at other times I feel as though If I cry I might never stop. But I just stuff it all and be strong and carry on. I do it for the girls, for Kevin, for gramp Gary, and for myself. It's only after all the dust settles and Kevin comes home that I am able to break down, usually in the shower, so noone can hear me.

Isn't it Ironic

Feeling a bit like Alanis Morrissette! Just after I finally posted that Kevin was feeling better and life was beginning to return to normal.

Who would've thought... it figures

Kevin spent all of friday evening and all day saturday in bed with abdominal pain. Only to finally go in to the ER at around 10pm and then they ran some blood work and gave him some Barium to drink for a CT Scan at 2:30 am. He told the tech about his Renal failure and The docs decided to do the CT scan without the contrast injection. It was much too uncomfortable for him to have me sit on the bed with him, but after they gave him some dilaudid for the pain, he asked me to come up on the hospital bed to snuggle. We joked with the tech, that it was "Date Night" since we rarely get out without the girls. When they got the results from th ct scan, they decided to admit him at 5:00 am, I finally left the hospital to go home and take care of the girls. We had left them at our house in the care of my friend Michele and her mom Eileen, who have been my adoptive family out here in NY and have helped tremendously throughout Kevin's illness. When I got home the girls were still asleep with their friend Livy in the middle, my house was absolutely spotless and there were donut holes on my table. They are so good to us. They told me to go and rest and I was so exausted that I took them up on it. Then I woke up about an hour later and Grampa Gary, who comes over every sunday for church, was here, talking with Eileen and Michele. After he left they called my amazing neighbor and friend Karen over to help out. She shaved the dog for me on the back porch in this terrible heat and watched the girls so I could take a quick shower. There are definitely days I wish we lived closer to my family in Maine, but I am so incredbly blessed and thankful to have friends that treat us like family out here in NY. I would be lost with out them.

Thanks so much to all who have been praying also. We are so grateful and we know that God is listening.

Where do I begin?

First of all, Thank you all for your prayers! Kevin is doing much better and Life is beginning to return to normal, or at least normal for us. Kevin is on the list for another Transplant and will be getting a defibrillator implant soon.

I have been avoiding the blog like the plague. Partly because we have been so busy, and I get a lot more done when I am off of the computer, but also because we went through so much this spring that it was too overwhelming to write about.  I was also consumed with how much catching up I have to do, that's a lot of writing. But it's all going to have to wait. I have decided to just jump in where we are and fill in the blanks later! I hope you all have had a wonderful summer ;)

Dear Blog

(Our five yr anniversary photo ~ taken in late fall '09 by Andrea of Sgt and Mrs Hub)

Dear Blog,
I haven't forgotten you, I have just been avoiding you, because the love of my life, the father of my children, my best friend, has been very sick, and has been in and out of the hospital for the past couple months ;( It's been rough on everyone and I'm just not ready to talk about it. Usually you have been a good outlet for me, but lately I get a lump in my throat every time I log on to write and I have to close my laptop. I'll be back someday when I am ready to talk.
Love,
Molly

"What If Land"

(Kevin and Me, Photo taken by Andrea)
I want Star Cottage to be a Happy Place. And I don't tend to share the sad or yucky stuff. But that's just not real life.
I try not to let my mind go here. I try to just live in the moment appreciating every last drop. If I worry about the future I won't be savoring today.
I hate living in "what if land" So most days I don't let my mind wander to that dreadful place. But then there are days it just happens.
I love my husband so much. More than breath! He is so amazing! And makes me feel so complete. I have never known a love like this. He is truly my Best friend. He is the best Husband and Daddy in the world. I know life is not certain for anyone. That any day and any hour could be our last. But for some of us it feels nearer than others, and you just want to run as far away from it as you can. I'm feeling like that today. I want to take Kevin and the Girls and go far far away far away. Life is perfect right now and I just want it to stay this way forever.
I wish Kevin didn't have a heart transplant. I wish he didn't have to take so many pills. I wish he didn't have to go to NYC so much to get poked & proded with blood work and X-rays and EKGs and Angiograms and Biopsies. I wish my little girls didn't know what all these words and other medical terms mean. I wish they didn't have to see Daddy sick EVER! Or have to visit him in the hospital. I wish they only saw him STRONG. I know what it's like to not have a Daddy and I don't want my girls to ever know what that's like. I wish I could fix it all.

Currently Kevin is doing well and I am truly greatful for the days we do have together. I'm just having a rough one today ;(

Surgery and a Prayer Request

(photos I took when we were dating) My Handsome Hubby and I are taking a 6 hour trip down to NYC for his hernia Surgery tomorrow. He had the same surgery a few years ago, but it was unsuccessful and he has had much discomfort since then, though he never complains. So here we are heading in for round two. He had a heart transplant ten years ago, Praise the Lord that was a success! So being that he has medical complications already, and he has been through so much, I tend to worry a bit more whenever he goes under the knife or gets anesthesia. All I can say is I can't wait till it's over and he wakes up with me holding his hand.

Please keep us in your prayers this week ;)

Many Blessings,

Molly

Yup she's back in town.

The nasty Flu returned. Apparently she enjoyed her stay @ our home so much, she figured she would come back for another visit. So I will be back in a few days, when we kick her out. Looks like we won't be going on a date this weekend after all. Bummer :(
But on a serious note.
Please pray that Kevin doesn't get sick too. With his lowered immune system, a little thing like the flu, can mean the hospital for him.
Thanks, and see you soon!


I got the image above from this site.
http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/cells/viruses/influenzavirus.html

My hubby the Engineer, found this site. Haha Leave it to a man to find this kind of thing. Eeew! Stuffed Microbes.
http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/plush/6708/images/771/

NYC

We are heading to NYC tonight. About a six hour drive with Two little ones. We have done it many times. With new adventures each time. Kevin has testing in the morning. It should last @ least until noon. I will be there with the munchkins in the waiting room. Trying to entertain them. I will be bringing snacks, toys, and coloring books. And praying for Grace with the girls, and the health of my hubby as he is poked and prodded.

http://secure02.kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/road_trip.html

New Job

When is life not busy? At least we aren't bored. Kev started his new job this month. He seems to like it so far, and is doing very well. The company christmas party was postponed till after The new year, so we got to attend. It was neat for me to be able to meet his new coworkers. They all seemed really cool. We even bumped into some people that attended Elim, and had prayed for Kevin back when he was going through the transplant. They had come to the party late and there were two seats available next to us so they sat down and we got to talking and they realized who Kevin was and they were flabergasted. They were so thrilled and amazed @ all that God had done. Considering noone thought he would make it through the night let alone get married and have children, years down the road. So that part was really awesome. It was also nice to have a night out. Although, I have to admit, by the end of the night we really just wanted to get home and see the kids.