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Sometimes during all of the crisis I feel triumphant and ready to conquer the day. Other times I feel numb and emotionless like a robot just putting one foot in front of the other, and still at other times I feel as though If I cry I might never stop. But I just stuff it all and be strong and carry on. I do it for the girls, for Kevin, for gramp Gary, and for myself. It's only after all the dust settles and Kevin comes home that I am able to break down, usually in the shower, so noone can hear me.

Happy Birthday my Sweet Eden!

Tomorrow is Eden's 4th Birthday and her second time spending it without Daddy. The first time he missed Eden's birthday was when Eden turned 1, and Kevin was in the hospital for a week with Renal Failure from Rabdomiolisis, caused by taking too much of the wrong medication. My friends Michele and Karen had watched the girls the night before so I could visit Kevin and when I got home at 9:00pm there was a beautiful home made cake, flowers and presents set out on the table for Eden and Lily ready for the next day. I was so blown Away. God is so good to surround me with such amazing friends.
Thankfully when we went home to Maine for a visit about a week or so ago, we celebrated all the girls birthdays one day with Mommy Daddy Gamma, Pappa and Auntie Karrie. And she is still young and doesn't care too much about birthdays, besides the cake, but I am reminded of how as the girls get older, there may be many more things that Daddy will miss and has missed for the girls and for me, like anniversaries and holiday spent in the hospital etc and it makes me sad.  But I have to be thankful for the good days we have together and that's what helps me get through, That, and knowing that God has a Plan and a Purpose for everyone.

Isn't it Ironic

Feeling a bit like Alanis Morrissette! Just after I finally posted that Kevin was feeling better and life was beginning to return to normal.

Who would've thought... it figures

Kevin spent all of friday evening and all day saturday in bed with abdominal pain. Only to finally go in to the ER at around 10pm and then they ran some blood work and gave him some Barium to drink for a CT Scan at 2:30 am. He told the tech about his Renal failure and The docs decided to do the CT scan without the contrast injection. It was much too uncomfortable for him to have me sit on the bed with him, but after they gave him some dilaudid for the pain, he asked me to come up on the hospital bed to snuggle. We joked with the tech, that it was "Date Night" since we rarely get out without the girls. When they got the results from th ct scan, they decided to admit him at 5:00 am, I finally left the hospital to go home and take care of the girls. We had left them at our house in the care of my friend Michele and her mom Eileen, who have been my adoptive family out here in NY and have helped tremendously throughout Kevin's illness. When I got home the girls were still asleep with their friend Livy in the middle, my house was absolutely spotless and there were donut holes on my table. They are so good to us. They told me to go and rest and I was so exausted that I took them up on it. Then I woke up about an hour later and Grampa Gary, who comes over every sunday for church, was here, talking with Eileen and Michele. After he left they called my amazing neighbor and friend Karen over to help out. She shaved the dog for me on the back porch in this terrible heat and watched the girls so I could take a quick shower. There are definitely days I wish we lived closer to my family in Maine, but I am so incredbly blessed and thankful to have friends that treat us like family out here in NY. I would be lost with out them.

Thanks so much to all who have been praying also. We are so grateful and we know that God is listening.

Where do I begin?

First of all, Thank you all for your prayers! Kevin is doing much better and Life is beginning to return to normal, or at least normal for us. Kevin is on the list for another Transplant and will be getting a defibrillator implant soon.

I have been avoiding the blog like the plague. Partly because we have been so busy, and I get a lot more done when I am off of the computer, but also because we went through so much this spring that it was too overwhelming to write about.  I was also consumed with how much catching up I have to do, that's a lot of writing. But it's all going to have to wait. I have decided to just jump in where we are and fill in the blanks later! I hope you all have had a wonderful summer ;)

Dear Blog

(Our five yr anniversary photo ~ taken in late fall '09 by Andrea of Sgt and Mrs Hub)

Dear Blog,
I haven't forgotten you, I have just been avoiding you, because the love of my life, the father of my children, my best friend, has been very sick, and has been in and out of the hospital for the past couple months ;( It's been rough on everyone and I'm just not ready to talk about it. Usually you have been a good outlet for me, but lately I get a lump in my throat every time I log on to write and I have to close my laptop. I'll be back someday when I am ready to talk.
Love,
Molly

Banana Sandwich

Daddy makes them Delicious, With Peanut Butter and Honey ;)

"What If Land"

(Kevin and Me, Photo taken by Andrea)
I want Star Cottage to be a Happy Place. And I don't tend to share the sad or yucky stuff. But that's just not real life.
I try not to let my mind go here. I try to just live in the moment appreciating every last drop. If I worry about the future I won't be savoring today.
I hate living in "what if land" So most days I don't let my mind wander to that dreadful place. But then there are days it just happens.
I love my husband so much. More than breath! He is so amazing! And makes me feel so complete. I have never known a love like this. He is truly my Best friend. He is the best Husband and Daddy in the world. I know life is not certain for anyone. That any day and any hour could be our last. But for some of us it feels nearer than others, and you just want to run as far away from it as you can. I'm feeling like that today. I want to take Kevin and the Girls and go far far away far away. Life is perfect right now and I just want it to stay this way forever.
I wish Kevin didn't have a heart transplant. I wish he didn't have to take so many pills. I wish he didn't have to go to NYC so much to get poked & proded with blood work and X-rays and EKGs and Angiograms and Biopsies. I wish my little girls didn't know what all these words and other medical terms mean. I wish they didn't have to see Daddy sick EVER! Or have to visit him in the hospital. I wish they only saw him STRONG. I know what it's like to not have a Daddy and I don't want my girls to ever know what that's like. I wish I could fix it all.

Currently Kevin is doing well and I am truly greatful for the days we do have together. I'm just having a rough one today ;(

The Birth of Chloe (our little "Pearl")

(one day old)

I went in to the city for another ultra sound Monday, hoping my placenta had moved so I wouldn't need a c-section. It was partially blocking my cervix throughout my pregnancy and they wanted to check it out one last time before I went into labor. I was really set on having a homebirth so when my midwife mentioned the possibility of a c-section I was a little freaked out. We had been praying it would move, and indeed it did. Praise the Lord. But, while I was there, they discovered that my amniotic fluid was very low, so they had me stay for a non-stress test to make sure Chloe was doing okay. Boy I was anxious and sick to my stomach worried about her. Praise God, they said she was fine, but they wanted me to come into the city again in 3 days for another non-stress test and try to induce me the following Monday. Yuck. So I asked the doctor @ the hosp what he thought about me getting things going on my own, because I didn't want to be induced and I really wanted a drug free birth. And he said go ahead and try to make it happen. You've got the OK from me. So I spoke with my midwife and tried every home remedy in the book all in one day. One of them was bound to work, right?! Pineapple, Black Cohosh, Red Raspberry Leaf Tea, Balsamic Vinegar, & the dreaded Castor Oil, You name it I did it. And I also mowed the lawn, scrubbed floors, and climbed stairs over and over again & walked around the neighborhood. Then I fell asleep exhausted from all my efforts, and a little disappointed that nothing had happened and thinking I'd better just prepare myself to be induced on Monday. Then sure enough, by midnight I was waking Kevin up with contractions. So we walked around the neighborhood again, to keep them going. And @ 5 in the morning I called my midwife and she met us in the city. When I got there I was hooked up to the monitor briefly to check and make sure everything was okay and she checked to see how much I had dilated. I was a 3. Then they unhooked me and sent me on my way to the beautiful courtyard to walk around. I also spent some time on my birthing ball. Then around 10:00 am My midwife checked me again and decided to break my water, as it never seems to break on it's own. Then I headed back out to the courtyard. Soon enough, the contractions became too intense to walk, so Kevin got the Jacuzzi going in my room and I hopped in. It was amazing without the drugs, I was so much more aware of what my body was doing. In previous deliveries with drugs I still felt pain, horrible pain, but it was generalized and I had no Idea what my body was doing, and the labors were long and drawn out. But this time I swear I felt myself dilating. I couldn't hear the radio in the bathroom, so Kevin was singing to me while I was in the tub to get my mind off of the pain, and I tried my best to sing along. Soon I felt ready to deliver and climbed up onto the bed (NOT laying on my back) and asked my midwife to check me. I knew I was close, I was a 9. So I grabbed Kevin's Strong Hand and got ready to push while he rubbed my back with the other hand, and looked into my eyes. ( He is so romantical) I began to ask the Lord for help as the pain intensified and then my favorite song (Lead Me-Sanctus Real) came on the radio. It was awesome, I really felt the Lord was with me. And within a couple of seconds and a few pushes, Chloe was here, happy, healthy and Beautiful. I am very pleased with how everything went. My Hubby was incredible, my midwife was awesome and all the staff, were super sweet and supportive and really seemed to love their jobs. My midwife said that Kevin was a great coach and other nurses said they were jealous, cause he is such a wonderful and supportive man and really handsome to boot. I am incredibly blessed!

As usual, God's plan was better than my own ;)

Mother's Day

For Mother's day this year, Kevin and the girls made me a beautiful card. The girls had so much fun playing with paper and scissors and glue with Daddy. I love the card! I put it on the shelf above my desk. It makes me smile every time I look at it.Daddy also kept the Girls occupied while I had the morning to myself to do some sewing. I was so happy to have a few hours of uninterupted craft time, as I have lots and lots of projects that need to get finished before Baby Chloe arrives. And as if that wasn't enough. They blessed me with 15 rose bushes for a hedge I wanted to make. We planted them along with the two bushes Kevin gave me years ago. Now we have quite the variety. From climbers, to tea roses, to everblooming, and super fragrant in all sorts of colors. He also put up a 40ft long split rail fence for me. I am so pleased with the hedge, It all turned out so beautiful. I can't imagine what it will look like when the roses are full grown. (Here are a few of the roses already in bloom)

I love my roses and enjoy cutting them and bringing them inside. I told my hubby long ago not to waste his money on buying me bouquets of flowers that die within a week, but to please give me plants instead, because then, not only does it make our yard look nice, but if I really want a bouquet on the table I can just go out and pick one ;)

Star Cottage Homestead

Before Kevin's surgery we had big plans for a backyard homestead this year, so he and I made some raised beds ahead of time in March, knowing he would be out of commission for a while after the operation. Then Grampa Gary, being the blessing that he is, trucked in lots of great soil and manure from a local farm and helped me fill the beds. We have lots of them! In fact we have done 3 truckloads full, and we still need more dirt/manure. Nothing like biting off more than you can chew ;) In the mean time, while Kevin was home recovering from surgery, he kept me company (snuggled up in a lawn chair with cozy blankets to keep him warm and comfortable) while I shoveled dirt and planted some strawberries. I was happy to do the planting, while he and I chatted and the girls played in the yard. When Grampa came to visit on Sunday, he kindly informed me that I had planted them much too close together. Woops! Live and learn I guess. That's what this whole experience has been, lots of living, and a whole lot of learning/screwing up along the way.

We've had such amazing weather that I have been so busy in the Garden all spring, Hence my absence from the computer & the blog. By the time I shower off all the dirt at the end of the night, I just don't have the energy to hop on the computer. We've both been falling asleep with the girls, and just barely waking up before them in the morning. I'm sure some of that has to do with the fact that It's still a bit rough and uncomfortable for Kevin to get around, and I am in my 3rd trimester. Yay, only a couple months to go ;) Chloe hasn't even arrived, and already I can't sleep well, I'm up every hour or so to go to the ladies room in the middle of the night, more of why I am so exausted.

Kevin's Recovery

Thanks so much for the encouraging comments and prayers. Kevin's hernia surgery went very well. He still has some discomfort, but all in all, he is doing great and the doctor said he's healing well. He went back to work last Thursday, earlier than expected, so that was good. Though I have to admit, I enjoyed having Kevin home, and so did the girls. My folks drove out from Maine, a few days before his surgery, so they could watch the girls for us while we drove down to NYC with Grampa Gary. Grampa did all the driving and let us sleep. He is such a wonderful man. The girls usually come along to NYC for Kevin's tests and quarterly check ups, and they do incredibly well, but being that this was a more serious visit and we had the possibility of staying more than one night in the city, not to mention Kevin has had to take time off from work to make the 6hr trip to NYC 4 times since January, so needless to say, we were happy to take my parents up on the offer to spend time with the grand daughters. We missed the little munchkins like crazy though and talked about them the whole trip. When we got back home, my folks stayed a few extra days to help out even more. It was a really nice and relaxing visit. My mom took over the house, everything, cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, And Oh My, can that woman cook! That might annoy some people, having the mother/mother in law take over, but for us, It was a nice break. All I had to do was take care of Kevin and the girls, and Kevin's job was to get better. It was like staying at a Bed and Breakfast, with nicely made turned down beds and everything. Kevin actually asked Gamma if they wanted to stay longer, hoping they would, but alas, they had to leave the Sunday after his operation ;( We are both so thankful for their company and all they had done to really bless us. They also helped us on a few projects around the house and yard (as Kevin shouldn't really be doing any handyman stuff and I'm getting huge!) My dad started building me a small pantry/canning closet in the kitchen, while he was here. I'm so excited! More on that later though.

We are so blessed by all of our parents and the sacrifices they continue to make for us.

Thank you Gamma & Pappa & Grampa Gary ;) We love you all so very much!

One night while daddy was home recovering, we roasted marshmallows and made smores in the back yard. It was a nice treat ;)

Surgery and a Prayer Request

(photos I took when we were dating) My Handsome Hubby and I are taking a 6 hour trip down to NYC for his hernia Surgery tomorrow. He had the same surgery a few years ago, but it was unsuccessful and he has had much discomfort since then, though he never complains. So here we are heading in for round two. He had a heart transplant ten years ago, Praise the Lord that was a success! So being that he has medical complications already, and he has been through so much, I tend to worry a bit more whenever he goes under the knife or gets anesthesia. All I can say is I can't wait till it's over and he wakes up with me holding his hand.

Please keep us in your prayers this week ;)

Many Blessings,

Molly

Painting @ the Picnic Table

I am so happy spring is here and we can enjoy more time outside as a family. I love to serve the Girls lunch and do crafts with them outside on the picnic table. Clean up is easy and it saves my kitchen from becoming a disaster area. Today we had some fun painting with Daddy. Lily chose to paint mostly letters and numbers and stayed very clean. Mommy and Daddy painted landscapes, While Eden did more "free spirited paintings" and got covered from head to toe ;)

Footprints in the Snow

Little Lily Lou Lou looked out the window today and asked, " Are those Daddy's footprints, Mommy?"
I said "Yes Honey."
She asked "Where are they going?"
"They are going to work." I replied.
She said, "I want Daddy's footprints to come home. "
I sat on the window seat next to her, and looked at them for a moment, gave her a big hug, and said, "Me too!"

Fools Rush In

This photo was taken by the Lovely and Talented Andrea of SgtandMrsHub .

Here is a link to her wonderful flickr page. For our Anniversary Andrea Blessed us with a fabulous photo shoot back in November @ the place we stayed for our honey moon. It was so gorgeous and romantical and we couldn't be more pleased with how the photos turned out. She is magical! And I can't imagine how I could ever repay her. And if that wasn't enough, one night when I showed up @ her house for a "Girls Night" she surprised me with a huge print of my favorite photo from the shoot. Yeah I cried. Kevin and I got married January 8th, 2005.
This is a totally weird bit of random but cool information, that I just found out today when I stumbled upon a blog I hadn't been to before, Dogwood Cottage. Elvis' Birthday is on January 8th, 1935. "Fools rush in", or "I can't help falling in love" by Elvis, was our wedding song. I first fell in love with the song and surfing, when I saw Blue Hawaii as a teenager. And the song was perfect for Kevin and I, because everyone thought we were fools for getting married after only dating for a few months. But we knew we were in love and we couldn't wait to be together, especially since we had been dating long distance. And here we are five years later, very happy these fools did rush in ;)

See original post here

Make a Joyful Noise

Tuesdays and Thursdays are worship nights @ Star Cottage. It's our special time to worship the Lord as a family. How great to serve a God who loves to hear us sing, however good or bad we may sound to eachother. The Lord delights in it!

Psalm 100

An Exortation of Thanksgiving

A Psalm of praise

1 Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.

2 Serve the Lord with gladness:

come before his presence with singing.

3 Know ye that the Lord he is God:

it is He that hath made us, and not we ourselves;

we are His people, and the sheep of his pasture.

4 Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,

and into his courts with praise:

be thankful unto Him and bless His name.

5 For the Lord is good;

His mercy is everlasting;

and His truth endureth to all generations.

Carousel

We don't go to the mall to shop, we go, to ride the Carousel ;)

Eden's favorite thing to do is ride on the "blue horsey." She talks about it all the time. So when we go, she is very particular about finding some blue paint on the horse before she will ride on it.

Happy Birthday Daddy

The Girls and I made daddy a nice dinner, some cake, and a pretty banner to surprise him when he got home form work yesterday. It was so much fun. The girls really enjoyed helping make Daddy's day special.

Oh Yeah!

Kevin got me a new camera! A Canon Rebel T1i . I am so excited! He surprised me with it in the mail yesterday. I was squeeling and jumping up and down with delight. Like a giddy school girl!The neighbors must have though I was crazy ;)

As soon as I got inside, I charged up the batery and started reading the manual right away. I have been waiting for a new camera since last christmas. So you can imagine my excitement when I recieved my new toy. I took pictures all day today. Thank you Pumpkin pie puddin' face. In case you are wondering, That's our nickname we used when making fun of mushy lovey nick names, and it stuck ;)

I think there's a reason her name rhymes with Silly ;)She loves to pose for the camera!

The 3 Musketeers ;) Lily, A, & Eden

I love this photo of Lily's friend "A". She is such a sweet girl.

Now I can give Grampa Gary back his camera, that he so graciously let us borrow.

Thank you Grampa!

And to all of my readers, if you have any photo advice, I am all ears. I am going to try and learn all I can.

Strange Love Language

You're are probably thinking, 'what is this silly girl taking pictures of an empty food container for? And why on earth would she be blogging about it, when there is plenty of other far more important and exciting things to write about.' Well, here it goes. I was in a HUGE Funk today, I mean HUGE. Grumpy and Blah! So there I was tidying up the kitchen, and feeling down right irritated, And then I noticed this clean empty container on the counter. You see, I pack my hubby's lunch in these, and he always washes them out @ work, and brings them home sparkling clean ready to be filled again. My day was immediately brightened when I saw the container. I thought of him & how much he loves me. Weird I know. But somehow this clean empty container was the love language I needed today. It spoke to me. My hubby likes my cooking and appreciates that I make him lunch. And is thoughtful enough to clean it out for me.

Hope you are all enjoying the summer and

Taking Joy in the simple things!

Blessings,

Molly